Things haven’t been terribly smooth at the new job. I must be deliberately vague; all I can really say on this matter is that Insecurity and a need for power and control can be a toxic combination, one that darkens the halls at the brightest of universities. Not that this university was so bright to begin with . . .

Week Eight at Cam has been darker than normal, and not simply due to my previously stated experiences. I attribute this to the gradual desertion of the students, allowing Cam’s previous energies to resurface and reclaim their territory. Observe the picture below this post.

The hallways are much darker today than normal, even accounting for weather and outdoor lighting conditions. However, I’m not simply referring to the literal sense of dark, but more to the heaviness in the atmosphere here.  It’s freezing cold in all the rooms and halls, in spite of the fact that it’s a pleasant 70 degrees outside. The students freeze in our classroom, even though there is no air conditioning and our room faces a sunny courtyard. It’s as if the warmth simply cannot penetrate these walls. I am always wearing jackets indoors, my hands stiff as I attempt to type.

No one is ever going to change the nature of this place. Maybe it’s the Bell Tower in particular, which housed the criminally insane on the East Side (where I enter the building) with the worst psychiatric illnesses, or the fact that the unruly adolescent boys were incarcerated on the West Side of the Bell Tower; these two groups were, unbelievably enough, mixed together in “Recreation Rooms” and group therapy rooms right in the area where I teach. In fact, from the configuration of my downstairs classroom, it looks to be one of those “common area” rooms where patients mingled and were frequently unsupervised. This toxic comingling of boys and insane men is a fact I gleaned from someone I know who spent a year or so in this very building for “anti-social” behavior.

I think I’ve realized something important. You can’t spend hours in a place with dreary energy from a traumatic past and hope to leave with a smile on your face and a sunny disposition. I should know this, of all people, yet I was seduced into thinking I would find this a mysterious and educational experience; it IS that, and will continue to be, but I find myself needing to conserve my energy. I used to spend much time fine-tuning my sensitivity, opening myself up to the energies around me, consciously seeking contact. Now, I find myself doing the exact opposite just to get through the day at Cam. I work on protection, I attempt to ignore my surroundings, and I even pretend that the place was never a hospital for the so-called ‘insane’.

What also assists me in this work of “tuning out” is the fact that Cam is never the same day to day. You can walk all over the buildings one day with no particular feeling one way or the other, and then the next day, or even later in the evening, the air is thick with mystery and menace. Even though one might object that this is pure emotional projection, I have had my experience of this validated so many times by those with whom I work and investigate that I no longer doubt my impressions.

That is probably the greatest gift of Cam: I no longer doubt my instincts and my sensitivity to my surroundings. After several years of investigations and explorations, no one can tell me that what I sense isn’t real. Anyone who tells me that I am “projecting,” “inventing” or fulfilling some fantasy or wish no longer upsets my confidence or causes me to question my abilities. I have become, for wont of a better work, “sensitive” or “a sensitive,” and that is a very real transformation. I have a certain limited and rudimentary ability to see into the past and peer into the future. With time, I expect that skill will increase in power and precision. I only hope that I will find some mentors and guides along the way, so that darkness does not infect me at the deepest level.

The mental hospital wants to grab onto anyone that can feel it. It affects even those who deny its reality as a living memory. I started out wishing for nothing more that to be a witness to the paranormal. Now, I have to protect myself from it.

Comments
  1. hortencia says:

    HELLO YOU ARE RIGHT FOR THE BELL TOWER I DRIVE FOR THIS COMPANY WE GO AND DELIVERED STUDEN WHEN WE STARTED WE USED TO PARK WHERE THE OLD LIBRARY WAS BESIDE THE TOWE ONE TIME AROUND MIDMORNING I WENT TO THE REST ROOM AND WHEN I WENT INTO THE BUILDING WOW WAS FREEZING OUTSIDE IT WAS HOT I WENT TO THE RESTROOM NOBODY WAS ALONG WHEN I WAS READY TO OPEN THE DOOR FROM EXITING THE BATHROOM THE WALLS FROM THE BATHROOM START CHECKING MY THOUGHT EARTHQUAKE IT FEEL LIKE THAT I GOT OUT AND STOP I LOOK AROUND MAYBE SOMEBODY FELT AND GRAB TO THE WALL ON THE RESTROOM BUT NOTHING I DINDT FEEL NO SCARE SO WASH MY HAND READY TO LEAVE WHEN I LADY CAME IN AND ASKED ME IF I COULD WAIT FOR HER I SURE YES I THOUGHT WHY THEN WHEN SHE WAS ALMOST DONE THE WALL BEGAN SHAKING LIKE A EARTHQUAKE I WAS CHEKCING AND THE FUNNY THING THE FLOOR WASHEN MOVING ONLY THE WALLS FROM THE RESTROOM WOW THE LADY CAME FLYING OUT THE REST ROOM RUNNING WENT OUTSIDE THE ROOM THE HALL IN THE BELL TOWER EVEN IS LIGHT AND DURING THE DAY IS CREPY AND DARK ESPECIALLY NOW WHEN YOU GO TO THE CAFETERIA IN THAT BUILDING IS BEEN A LONG TIME I HAVENT BEEN IN THE BUILDING I DONT KNOW IF STILL THE CAFETERIA NOW OUTSIDE THE OLD LIBRARY IT WAS SOME BENCHES DURING AROUND 9:00 TO 9:30 I WILL BE PARKED THERE NO STUDENT AROUND I COULD SEE SOMEBODY SITTING THERE LIKE A OLD MAN I CHECK MY MIRROR AND THE MAN WAS GONE ACROSS FROM THE BELL TOWER THERE IS A BUILDING ON THE SECOND FLOOR THE TIME I WORKED THERE AROUND 1 YEAR BEFORE THEY MOVE THE BUS STOP TO THE NEW LIBRARY THERE WAS A WINDOW 24 HOURS IN THE DAY OR NIGHT THE WINDOW WILL BE OPEN ONE TIME DURING THE DAY I CROSS AND WENT TO CHECK IT OUT FROM THE GROUND I COULD SEE BLACK BUT REALLY BLACK FLYS AND BIG FLYS CAMING FROM THE ROOM ONE TIME I SPOKE WITH THE JANITOR HE WAS RIDING MY BUS I ASKED WHY THE WINDOW WAS OPEN HE SAID THERE WAS NOTHING IN THE ROOM BUT THE ROOM WAS LIKE 0 UNDER 0 EVEN IS HOT AND BLACK FLYS WILL CAME OUT FROM THE ROOM THEY USED DIFFERENT CLEANER TO CLEAN THE ROOM IT WAS CLEAN BUT THE FLYS WILL RETURNED TO THE ROOM IF THEY CLOSED THE WINDOW THE ROOM WILL SMELL REALLY BUT SO THEY DECIVED NOT TO CLOSED AND NEVER USED THAT ROOM WONDER UNTIL NOW WHAT HAD ROOM DESIGNED FOR I HAVE MANY STOYS TO TELL YOU BUT LATER WILL TELL YOU ONE BY ONE IN THE YEAR I BEEN THERE I SPOKE WITH THE DEAN OF THE UNIVERSITY EVEN THE PERSON WILL TELL ME STORYS THE JANITORIAL MAN, THE GARDEN WOW ESPECIALLY THE WATER TOWE ON THE TOP

  2. Patrick says:

    Not being from California, I had no idea about this place. It sounds fascinating. I’m sorry to hear you’re finding it hard working with all of the energies there.

  3. Susie Harper says:

    Hi, again, like I told you in my first post many months ago, I am also a “sensitive”, something I gradually came to accept, and now I just ‘know’. It’s hard to turn that off and will hit you when you least expect it, for example: I was looking at the vacation photos of a friend when I turned the page in her photo book and there was a photo of the most beautiful, green, lush landscape… I was suddenly filled with feelings of dark, heavy, depressing gloom and sadness. It was like all the light and life and feelings of ‘contentment’ had been sucked out of me. I asked her where the photo was taken and she said, “Oh, that’s Gettysburg.” I was dumfounded that I could be ‘sensitive’ to a photo! I would have expected those kinds of feelings if I had actually gone there to the battlefield, and would have been more or less prepared for it, but to be clobbered out of the blue like I was…. well, that was unexpected to say the least, and I was not prepared nor protected. So, you know where you’re going, you know you need to keep yourself protected, but you also know that the unexpected should be ‘expected’. Good luck and best wishes! 🙂 Susie

  4. Maria says:

    This is so true, fighting off these energies. As a teen, we use to drive around the old building behind the bell tower, and it’s like something gets a hold of you. I can’t explain it. There are some articles regarding this mental hospital, one states that it was never housed with criminally insane patients. Where are these negative energies coming from?

    On a Sunday afternoon, I love driving around this University. It’s pretty in the day time, evil in the night time.

    • parawife says:

      Hi Maria,
      Yes, I agree with you. Something is there, especially at night, and I can’t explain what it is. There were criminally insane adults housed at Camarillo State Hospital, but they were not labeled that way. I think they called them “violent adult offenders” or something like that. The information concerning the various divisions in the hospital can be found in CSUCI’s archives on campus (in the library). The worst offenders were housed in Bell Tower East. They were, believe it or not, next to the male adolescent ward in Bell Tower West.

      Thank you for reading!

      • Maria says:

        Hi parawife,

        Yes your right about the violent crime offenders, I’ve confirmed that in some articles. I am so amazed about all the history behind this old hospital. Lately I’ve had this tremendous interest in knowing more and more about the hospital. I’ve lived in the Ventura County for 20 years (That is like my whole life, I am only 23 years old) and never knew the stories about the hospital just that it is haunted. Like I said this needy interest took me to do some research, I came across this author by the name of Kristen Anderberg who wrote a book about the hospital, she is an activist for ex-patients who suffered abuse in these mental institutions across California. She spoke to some survivors from the Camarillo State Hospital who told her stories of the abuse they went through from rapes from staff, to starvation, to physical abuse from staff, women prostitution from staff, the horrible shock therapies patients received for therapy and punishment. No wonder the walls from these buildings scream agony. Anyways you guys should check her out. One more thing I would like to add, does anybody feel drawn to this place? Like you gotta go back? Maybe it’s just me, like I said I like driving up there once in a while. Lately, I’ve felt so sync with the campus, I keep thinking about it, the buildings, and the way the walls look. I’ve never gone inside nor do I want to. Perhaps I should stay away from that area. I don’t know

  5. hortencia says:

    the bell tower especially in the bathroom will be more hunted you inside the wall of the bathroom will start shackin glike earthquake but there is none everyway you go that tower will be more colder then the rest of the buildings another place is weird the old library beside the tower in th eold stop beside the library before 9 i could se a black shadow sitting on the bench got there nobody acros from the bell tower second floor day or night rain or shinne will be one room with the window open one time i got beside that room i could see big black flys caming from that room a very bad smeel one time i asked a worked what is in that room he siadi nothing but there are a very bad smell flys that they dont know where are they caming that why they have to have the window open all the time weird?

  6. HORTENCIA says:

    THE CUSI UNIVERSITY CAN ME PAINTED HAVE NICE GARDENS BUT WILL BE GHOST IN THAT PLACE WHEN EVER YOU GO INSIDE THE BILDINGS WILL BE FREEZING THE HOLES WILL NEVER PENETRATE INSIDE AND THE TOWER BATHROOMS DIVISION WILL SHAKE DAY AND NIGHT WITH NOBODY THERE. IT CAN HAVE INDIAN CHIFS TO GO AND CLEAN THAT HOSPITAL MANY TIMES BUT WILL NEVER END THE ACTIVITY IN THAT PLACE DAY OR NIGHT WILL BE GHOST WE CANT SEE THEM BUT SOME PEOPLE MIGHT HAVE THE GIFT OF SEEING OR FEELING IT. THE UNIVERSITY PICK THE WRONG PLACE TO START A NEW UNIVERSITY AND HOPE THAT THE STUDENT WONT HAVE A BAD SCARE ESPECIALLY IN THE OLD BUILDING THAT THEY MADE DORMS FOR THE STUDENT. IF YOU ARE A STUDEN AND YOU HEAR WATER FACEUT RUN DONT GET UP AND TURN OFF BECAUSE YOU CAN GET UP AND TUNR OFF BUT MOMENTS LATER THE FAUCET WILL TURN ON AGAIN GOOD LUCK WITH THOSE STUDENT THE NEW DORMS ARE OK BUT THE NEW DORMS IN THE BUILDING THAT USED TO BE BEHIND THE BELL TOWER WATCH OUT DONT GET SCARE AND GET USED TO SEE OR HEAR A LOT OF STUFF.ABOUT A MONTH AGO WENT TO BUY SOMETHING ON THE NEW HOUSES I ENTER FROM THE REAR EVEN I WAS FAR AWAY FROM THE MIDDLE OF THE HOSPITAL I COULD FEEL THE ENERGY. THE PERSON THAT I SPOKE WITH IT HE SAID NO GHSOT ON THE NEW HOUSES BUT ON THE HOSPITAL ONE TIME HE AND HIS WIFE AND DOG WENT FOR A WALK DURING THE DAY AND WHERE USED TO BE THE BUILDING FOR THE CHILDREN THEY SAW THE SWINGS MOVING LIKE SOMEBODY WAS SWIGING ON THEM BUT THERE WAS NO AIR OR NOBODY ON THEM? THEY FELT A CHILL RUNNING ON THERE BODY HEARD LAUGH OF CHILDREN BUT THERE WHERE NO CHILDREN AROUND THERE DOGS GOT SO SCARE HE DIDNT WANT TO MOVE THEY HAVE TO PICK UP THE DOG AND START WALKING UP THE HILL FAST AS THEY CAN HE SAID HE WILL NEVER GO BACK DOWN FOR A WALK.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s